The Barbel Show 2012

kev1911 · #21 (**permalink**) 29-08-2010, 23:19

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm not catholic I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Then why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'

**ren** · #22 (**permalink**) 02-09-2010, 21:24

i bought a new plant the other day called a bacon tree i was very happy with it until i heard a bang and saw my freind on the floor holding hes leg and bleeding badly i ran over to him and asked him what happend he said that bloody plant what is it i said its a bacon tree to which he replyed it bloody shot me so i checked the plant out and read the label on it i missread it it was acually a hambush!! Waffen093

ill get my coat

paddy1966 · #23 (**permalink**) 04-09-2010, 23:18

Touch it gently... Put 2 fingers inside, if it's big put 3 fingers in... Make sure it's wet... Rub it up and down.... Yeah.... That's how you wash a cup

**Glenn** · #24 (**permalink**) 06-09-2010, 18:23

If a homosexual jumped on your back, would you toss him off

kev1911 · #25 (**permalink**) 09-09-2010, 18:05

saw an old boy sat on a bench today sobbing his eyes out,so i sat beside him and asked "you ok fella" no he says,"i'm 78 and married to a 36 year old sex kitten who wants sex 3 times a day" "you lucky sod" i said "so why the tears?" the old guy looked up at me and said "i cant f**kin remember where i live" !!!!

**jerry** · #26 (**permalink**) 10-09-2010, 00:42

you lot need to get out more lol Big Grin

paddy1966 · #27 (**permalink**) 10-09-2010, 08:26

My wife did something last night with her mouth that all men love...

She shut it.

kev1911 · #28 (**permalink**) 10-09-2010, 12:10

just saw a bloke struggling down the road with a bloody big wardrobe on his back,i shouts over "want a lift with that pal" no ta mate he says " the wifes inside carrying the clothes"

**jerry** · #29 (**permalink**) 10-09-2010, 22:23

had sex with a bird last night that had a stutter, managed to finish before she said no Big Grin

Jam · #30 (**permalink**) 16-09-2010, 14:52

Man’s wife dies in Israel whilst on holiday. The officials say we can bury your wife here for £150 or we can prepare her body and fly the her home for £15000. The husband says I want her flown home. The Official says why pay all that money when you could have a perfectly good funeral here for £150? The husband replies 2000 odd years ago a man died in this country and in three days he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!!! Big Grin