Testing for Sanity in Old Age

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old folks home?"
Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull out the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

During the 4th hole the following conversations took place:
First Guy :
You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend... I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.

Second Guy :
That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.

Third Guy :
Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him : 'You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?'

Fourth guy :
I just set my alarm for 5 am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on her ass and said: 'Golf course or intercourse?

She turned over and said: 'dont forget to wear your sun-block!."

I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....
Scared the hell out of me.
So that's it!
After today, no more reading!!!.

Are you bored !!! funny anyway

We must be the only forum with a joke thread, but no more thanks to Kev

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A motorway policeman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the.

As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.

The officer pulled down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

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Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

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Gary Glitter is currently en route to Chile.
Apparently, the news of 33 trapped and helpless minors was just to tempting to ignore !!

Fabio Capello has set up a friendly match against Iceland to try to cheer the fans up!!

If we beat them, we go on to play Tesco’s and then Sainsbury’s!!

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A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did.

He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight, You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came!